Just a Statistic - a family wrestling with the recession

Until this year I always managed to juggle the demands of work with my family commitments. Unfortunately, in my family, it is I who bears the major burden of both responsibilities. I am a mother of two teenage boys, and I always balanced my job with caring for my children. My boys are now 16 and 18 years old and I have been the only adult parent in the home since they were one and three. It has always felt like a house of cards. Last week it was standing, but today, as a light breath of wind, just the smallest breeze knocked down my walls, our rooms, and the whole structure...without any warning at all.

Over the years I managed to save up a nest egg, and then realized that it would only benefit the family if I were to invest. After not much thought, in August 2007 I purchased a small business, a pool hall that was originally established in the late 1970’s. I took over ownership and began working in it on New Years Day 2008. It was far better and much busier than I could have ever dreamed. My two sons, my fiancé, and I ran the business along with a crew of five employees. With that kind of staff, you can imagine that the numbers were good. The cash was flowing in and that was fine with me! I was able to save enough money for the business rent of $7000- and my house payment of $3500- within a matter of a couple of weeks.

Although the business ownership had legally transferred to me, I still had not secured a loan to pay off the seller. He was carrying the note with monthly installments. I started out with a great credit score and my financial history deemed me very loanable. Finally after months of searching 122 bank/lenders all with rejections, I locked in a loan from a company that was a bit unconventional. I anticipated being funded some time before summer '08. It was a challenge to raise enough revenue for the larger bills that became due, but I somehow managed to pull it off every time. You see, I had to put every penny into the acquisition in order to get my foot in the door and the escrow-ball rolling. The business was supposed to sustain my family financially through my retirement. I dropped every penny I had, (over $100,000) into purchasing and sustaining the business, then I began to use my credit cards as a crutch for the next 9 months. According to the financial statements that I received from the seller during escrow, the business appeared to be capable of supporting my family. Was I mislead?!?.

I anticipated the slower lull that summer months historically brought to the business and I expected my loan to fund before that. It was early summer when the first presidentially-declared fire disaster blew through town. Even though business was slower than normal, I managed to avoid any unsolvable situations. I began borrowing money from friends, acquaintances, and customers in order to make whatever ends meet that I could. Come June, my lender broke the news that the loan was postponed due to the 'economic downturn’…. (Two words I now cringe at).

I wouldn't receive financing until September 08. Although it was a stretch, it wouldn't be impossible to wait a bit longer for the financing. It was getting harder and harder to come up with the $7000- that I had to pay for rent for the building. By end of September, I had already moved out of three homes due to the inability to pay mortgage and/or rent. I was getting in way over my head! I spent up to 15 hours a day feverishly scanning the internet and directories for loan resources. The credit cards were all maxed out so I couldn't use them to pay the increasingly angry vendors. I found that I couldn't pay for rent or security deposit to get into a new home.

As if my life wasn’t hectic enough, I didn’t want to know what would happen next…

On December 1st, I got a phone call in the evening from my eldest son. His voice shook while he informed me he had just survived a car accident. An oncoming car sideswiped his Ford Focus (Fast & the Furious) on the rear quarter panel. This caused his car to spin out of control until it stopped abruptly on a home’s exterior rock wall. Although my son was only driving about 15 MPH, the other driver was going much faster. My son’s vehicle was totaled. According to the police, my son was at fault even though the other driver barreled into him. Because the other car had the right-of-way at a four-way intersection, my son was cited. We stood there, staring at the damaged vehicle. My son kept repeating the same question. "Why, Mom? Why did this happen to me?"

I turned towards him in shock and wondered how to answer such a profound question. I thought, “Why were these things happening to us?”

Although doubt filled my mind, I responded to him without hesitating. I assured him the only way I knew how. “Things always happen for a reason, my son. You have to believe this with all your heart! There is a reason for everything and although it is never clear at the time, you will find that things always work out the way they should.”

Ya right!!! … Now, click your heals three times, and repeat after me, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home!!!?!? What next?!?!

Two weeks later, I got the call that is every mother's worst fear. I heard the California Highway Patrol officer on the other end of the receiver. He explained that my brand new Jeep was in an accident on the Northbound 101, leaving it unrecognizably destroyed. My heart sank as I fell to my knees in fear...It had been five minutes since I kissed my eldest son goodbye. He drove off in my car to his new job. (The same son who wrecked his own car two weeks before) My heart was beating so rapidly. The voice on the phone sounded so distant. The ambulance was transporting my son to the hospital. Frustration accompanied my fear. I had no transportation to get to my child.

With utter defeat in my heart, I went through the motions to close up the business and found my way to the hospital. I shook uncontrollably the entire way. I somehow managed arrive precisely when the ambulance pulled in. Miraculously my son managed to escape from the pan caked car through the shattered, passenger side window with a flesh wound over his left eye! His injuries were not apparent at the time. I learned that it was emotional trauma that consumed him over the next few months leaving him scars that would never heal.

Afterwards I was sitting with him in the hospital. The look on his face was shear bewilderment when he remembered what I had said about "Things work out the way they should.”...Then he realized that he had escaped death. If he had been driving his Ford Focus in this accident, he would have died instantly. That little car of his would have most definitely crushed him beyond recognition. Again, this devastating accident was not covered by insurance.

It was October '08 when I had to make a very difficult decision. I found myself unable to simultaneously afford rent for my family's home and rent for the business. Since Don's Billiards was my only source of income, I made the obvious choice. We were rendered homeless and in order to conserve what money was coming in, I stored my belongings in the back corner at Don's Billiards and took up residency in the building. My car was repossessed and creditors were calling by the dozen. My worst fear was that the loan would never fund. My boys were weaving back and forth between the pool hall and friends’ houses to sleep and shower. It was difficult for them to stay with me at the pool hall during the school week since the business stayed open until 2am daily. My biggest struggles were where to find a hot running shower and how to get food in my stomach without access to a kitchen. During these tumultuous times, I lost nearly 20 pounds from stress and lack of nourishment. But it was ok, I thought, since it was simply a temporary setback. I was just biding my time anticipating the $500,000 loan that would put everything back to normal.

When the Tea Fire hit the town, my business stopped dead in its tracks. My sale dropped from $1500 per day in January to a devastating $130-.by mid-November. The loan approval seemed to be the light at the end of the tunnel. Without that financing, the business wouldn’t sustain itself. I was drained emotionally and physically. I only saw my boys every two to three days and even though I was so busy working and just surviving, the absence of my children was so incredibly devastating. They had found stable shelter with friends. I had let go of my employees since I couldn't afford to pay wages. I worked 7 days a week from 12pm until 2am. The exhaustion was almost too much for anyone person to handle.

My worst fears were materializing. On November 15th my co-signer, on whom I heavily relied for the funding of the loan, abruptly backed out. This devastating news nearly broke me then and there. This was when I became aware that there would be no more Don's Billiards. That day when JeffreyD. broke the news to me that he could not take responsibility as co-signer, was the day my life changed as I knew it. That man had nothing more to offer me than a randomly good credit score of 700. He was not a home owner nor did he have any collateral to speak of. He had nothing to lose by co-signing on the loan. On the contrary, the benefits I offered him were stock options, annual profit -sharing and a college fund for his daughter along with a direct cash payment of $25,000. He backed out simply because he was afraid of his wife finding out that he had agreed to do this for us without her prior consent. The chain of events that stemmed from this man’s decision to not co-sign for me was devastating and changed my two boys and my world as we knew it forever. This single event left permanent damage to the way I view life and the world I live in.

I had promised money to the creditors, (everyone, and their brothers) that they would receive payments-in-full. This news practically shattered what faith in humanity that I had left. At that moment, I knew that there was not going to be a 'happily ever-after'….

Christmas Eve was spent with only my 17 year old and me. Just the two of us stayed that night in the dreary, undecorated pool hall alone. Our nerves were shattered and we were at each other’s throat. I spent that miserable Christmas Eve watching him open the only gifts that I could afford: boxers and cologne. We were asleep by 9:00pm with only the sounds of our hungry bellies to keep us company. My younger son stayed at his girlfriend’s house. I never saw him that night.

In order to get some decent transportation, I was forced to sell one of the pool tables. My newest vehicle, a $1000 beater from Craig’s List, seemed safe and trustworthy. On January 4th, 2009, this vehicle was demolished in an accident. This time, though, there was a twist. I was out of town on business. During breakfast in the hotel restaurant, my belongings were stripped from my hotel room, and then disappeared in my car with two thieves. They managed to steal the car right out of the valet service. Those idiots were about a hundred miles when they drove my car directly into a tree. When I finally got to see my car, I was floored. I had never seen a vehicle damaged so badly in my entire life. The force of the impact managed to split the engine right in half. I owned this vehicle for only two weeks and again, I had no insurance. The hotel assumed no liability.

During this time my eldest son who took a job as a salesman at Sears in the electronics department. We were still homeless and he seemed to take it the hardest. He suffered a difficult break up with his high school sweetheart. These were very dark times for him. The combination of these events along with the two car accidents forced him to drop out of high school during his senior year. He seemed so emotionally lost and he directed most of his anger at me. My younger son somehow still managed to keep up the charade.

The eldest was instantly doomed when he took an apartment on the Westside for $1100- a month on his $1200 a month salary. As hard as he worked at his job, he only managed to keep the apartment for two months before he got evicted for failure to pay rent. We both tried in vain to find him a roommate to pick up the slack with no success. My youngest and I remained tenants of Don's Billiards.

We lived at our business for three long months with no kitchen or shower. I found temporary accommodations that accepted payments on a weekly basis. This was the only way I could get our foot in the door in order to supply a roof over our heads. It has been impossible to save up for a normal rental, first, last and security deposit. We downsized from what we lived in the year before, a three-bedroom house, to a one room "efficiency unit"! Translated, it was a studio built into the rear wall of a run-down apartment building. Yet, I was more than grateful to have a place to stay. Homelessness sucks.

We had to close the doors to our business on January 23, 2009. A steady decline in revenues forced us to close permanently. Unfortunately, without any additional funding, our small business didn’t have a chance of survival through two presidentially declared natural disasters. The wildfires occurred simultaneously with the most unforgiving recession in America's history. This deadly combination had a severe impact on our business. Shutting down was a direct result of the fire disasters & our declining economy.

Our family is a prime example of what will undoubtedly happen to many people during these difficult times. We live in such an "advanced" country that we generally do not see those who are struggling to keep up. I know now what the true meaning of homeless is, and I understand that it really can happen to anyone, even me! This situation has humbled me. I live in terror every minute of my day. Now I am just a statistic.